This Winter Finds Me
Finding my footing in new motherhood.
This winter finds me on the threshold of a door; I am teetering between rooms both old and new. Behind me, I can see the footsteps of my other life: late nights and loud music and lots of sleep and a clean kitchen and really spicy margaritas.
But my feet have left that solid ground and have already landed in another place. Where I am is loud as well, but with the sounds of crying and hiccups and my husband shouting to see if I need another bottle warmed. My nights are a blur and my sleep feels out of reach and my kitchen is well, not clean.
This winter finds me fumbling for sleep, for time, for fragments of familiar. Everything around me has changed, like the season. The snow is here and covers everything, like my beautiful daughter, who has arrived and has completely changed my landscape forever.
This winter finds me digging in the snow, deeper. I go deeper. In the nighttime space between Eden’s last lullaby and her next warm bottle of milk, I sit in bed with my laptop and start making small lists of what is happening all around me: a new life, a new stream of words, a new season. And then I listen for God’s soft voice in the dark:
“Do not fear. Stay observant. Be ready for the change. It is already happening.”
My eyes open. I slowly nod.
So beautifully written - "teetering between two rooms" articulates it up perfectly!
This is so beautiful, Lish – those first few paragraphs transported me right back to the early days at home with my daughter. Soak up all of this newness, as it's truly a blessing ❤️
P.S. I *really* miss spicy margaritas, too!